Monday, May 25, 2015

May 25, 2015

My mom is at it again about Ezra. Can't take much more of this ...

I'm so upset I forgot to take the flag out earlier. I'll do it now.
My mom is such a bitch ... grrr.

I hate my life ... nothing new. I always have. But, I'm stuck here and always will be.

Soooo ... I wrote this last month ... exactly a month ago ... April 25 ... I had hoped things would work out, so I deleted it from my post that day and saved it to text - guess I knew ... it will be done ...
"4-25-2015 ...

Not a happy day for me ... I've made the very hard decision to take Ezra to the shelter on Friday. I don't want to ... but, my mom is becoming impossible about him and he has begun attacking her more and more as he feels her constant anger towards him ... I can't take it any more ... I have to wait until Friday because they charge a fee to drop an animal off there ... $25.00 ... I might do it Thursday and go later to the farm ... I haven't thought it all out, yet ... But, I do know I'll never get another cat. I am not a cat person ... supposedly, my mom is. Oh, she loves cats, blah, blah, blah ... But, Ezzie is not the first one she's had a permanent dislike to. I won't go through this again. I am going to get another dog by the end of the year, though. A buddy for Nikky and me. I'll be looking for an older dog - no puppies. I might start checking up in Yuba County shelter where we got Nikky. It's a small, rural shelter. I am so going to miss Ezra ... :( I just want to cry, but I can't ... weird feeling ... I'm so angry about this, though ... The only other alternative is illegal ..."

I know this won't really solve anything. Once he is gone, she'll find something else to complain about non-stop. She always does ...

My stomach is burning so bad. Stress ... I really need to get some things done today, but just can't function right now. I did get a bunch of 18-gallon bins shoved under the house and found a lid for the next compost bin to start. Need to drill holes in the bin, but not going to today ...

Oh, I have a lemon on my lemon tree! And, still lots of flowers. And, one of my little pepper plants is loaded with peppers that are nearly ready to pick! Hopefully, we'll have tomatoes soon, too.

My back is killing me ... arnica and willow bark are not really helping right now ... hmmm, it's been 4 hours since I took any, though. Better take more.

Almost out of arnica pellets, but can't get more until Thursday ... but, I do have a new tube of arnica gel ...

I'm making the Blueberry Chia Cardamom Pudding recipe from Yum magazine. Page 49. Soaking the chia seeds right now.

In the fridge to gel again until dinner.
I've got hundreds of pictures of animals I used to have. I can't look at any of them, anymore, except Quinn's and Gemini's ... but, I can't get rid of them. They're all I have left of them ... most of them I let down. Just like Ez ...

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